"I Love Them—But I’m Angry: The Unspoken Truth About Caregiver Resentment"

No one wants to admit it. Especially not caregivers. But it happens: you love the person you’re caring for, and yet… you’re angry. Tired. Bitter. Then, before you can process those emotions, the guilt creeps in. How can I feel this way? What kind of person resents someone who needs help?

Here’s the truth: resentment in caregiving is normal. It doesn’t mean you don’t care. It means you’ve been caring for so long, with so little rest or recognition, that your emotional tank is empty.

Resentment often builds slowly. It might start as frustration that no one else in the family is helping. It might grow when your loved one refuses help or criticizes your efforts. Over time, you stop recognizing the person in the mirror—not because you’ve become unkind, but because your needs have been invisible for too long.

Psychologists explain that resentment is often a signal—like pain in the body—that something needs attention. Maybe it’s rest. Maybe it’s acknowledgment. Maybe it’s space to just be a person again, not a caregiver 24/7.

Here’s how to begin addressing it:

• Name it without shame. Writing or saying “I feel resentful” doesn’t make you selfish. It makes you honest.

• Set boundaries. Emotional boundaries are just as vital as physical ones. It’s okay to say, “I need 30 minutes alone after dinner.”

• Ask for help. Whether it’s siblings, neighbors, or a therapist—delegation is not defeat.

• Reintroduce joy. What did you love before caregiving? Music? Cooking? Journaling? Make time for it again, even in small doses.

Remember, love and resentment are not opposites. They can—and often do—exist at the same time. Caregiving asks us to show up again and again. But you can’t do that well if your heart is carrying the weight of unspoken feelings.

Let them surface. Let them breathe. Because facing resentment with compassion is not just brave—it’s healing.