Why Sibling Support Isn’t Always Equal—And How to Talk About It

One of the most common stories in caregiving? One sibling takes on the lion’s share, while the others... don’t. Maybe they live far away. Maybe they “check in” but never actually show up. Maybe they think, “You’re better at this stuff anyway.” And suddenly, without planning it, you become the default caregiver.

This imbalance isn’t just frustrating—it’s exhausting, emotionally and physically. The worst part? You might not even feel like you’re allowed to talk about it. “They’re family,” you tell yourself. “At least they care in their own way.” But emotional labor is still labor. And resentment, when left unspoken, quietly builds.

Psychologists suggest that this dynamic stems from birth order, gender roles, and cultural expectations—especially in India, where eldest daughters often feel the invisible weight of duty. But just because something is common doesn't mean it should go unchallenged.

Here’s where to start:

1. Be honest. 

   Don’t downplay your stress. Use “I” statements: “I’ve been feeling overwhelmed handling everything by myself.”

   
   

2. Be specific. 

   Vague appeals like “I need help” rarely work. Instead: “Can you take over mom’s doctor visits every alternate week?”

   
   

3. Be strategic. 

   Assign roles based on strengths: one sibling handles finances, another coordinates medical appointments, a third visits regularly.

   
   

4. Be prepared for pushback. 

   Not everyone will step up. But at least you’ll stop internalizing the entire burden alone.

Sometimes, the goal isn’t perfect equality—it’s fairer distribution. And even if the situation doesn’t change overnight, your emotional load might when it’s named, aired, and addressed.

Caregiving was never meant to be a solo act. If you're the one holding the stage light, it’s okay to ask others to help carry the weight of the show.